


Extricate

by Xyliandra



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyliandra/pseuds/Xyliandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>ex·tri·cate</b><br/>ˈekstrəˌkāt/<br/><i>verb</i><br/>to free or remove (someone or something) from something (such as a trap or a difficult situation)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Extricate

It hadn’t been this bad in a long time.

He knew it would never go away entirely, but with the aid of a balanced diet, optimal sleep schedule, regular exercise, vitamins, medications, and therapy, he had kept everything under control.

Mostly.

There was a reason he didn’t want friends. When he had no friends, there was minimal risk of hurting anyone. His parents were too busy pretending their family was perfect to offer much support. He took pills, he went to therapy, ergo, he was healed. He easily faded into the background while they fawned over his brother.

It wasn’t hard to avoid his family. Most of his day was spent at school and studying provided a convenient smokescreen for spending his evenings alone in his room. Weekends were spent at the library or the gym or otherwise out of the house.

The less he saw them, the less he had to pretend. Pretending was exhausting.

 

Friends complicated things.

They were at school and at practice. They wanted to make plans for the evenings and the weekends.

On goods days, it wasn’t so bad. There were still feelings of inadequacy and disgust, but they made it easier to ignore those. They even tried to help sometimes. When they recognized something was wrong.

 

But on bad days…

Why did they bother keeping him around anyway?

 

It's easier this way. They have each other. He was just an unnecessary, extraneous cog anyway. They'll keep moving forward.

 

Except they won't, some part of him protests. And, okay, yes,  that part was right; this would be a devastating blow. But he just doesn't care.

They deserve to hurt like he does.

No, they don't.

But they never noticed.

How could they not notice as he slipped away?

Sure, they couldn’t always be together. But they communicated each day. Did they not hear it in his voice? Could they not read it in his words?

 

He wasn't going to think about it anymore.

He couldn't think about it anymore.

His head was too full with other thoughts. Pill bottles. Stairs. Water. Knives.

 

He grabbed the car keys.

This late, he should be the only one on the road.

Minimal risk of casualties. Minimal risk of interference.

 

There was always the risk of failure. But it had to look accidental. That way they wouldn't know.

They couldn't know.

He knew that would break them. That they'd blame themselves. Which, perhaps, wasn't entirely inaccurate.

But such weakness was ugly.

He wouldn't mar his family's honor with that.

Even if a small part of him believed they deserved it.

 

He sped up as he began the climb, tires screeching as they struggled to find purchase. The ridge was his best bet. A metal barricade. A 200-plus meter drop. A dense expanse of trees in between.

He numbly ran the calculations, adjusting the pressure on the gas pedal to hit his mark.

 

He closed his eyes as he broke through the metal like his fingers once broke through the surface tension of the pool. He sailed through the air like he once sailed over the high jump bar.

 

_Free._

**Author's Note:**

> [xyliandra](http://xyliandra.tumblr.com) and [xyliandra-fics](http://xyliandra-fics.tumblr.com) on tumblr


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